Swahili and English
KUKOSANA, kupishana maneno, kutokuelewana na hata kugombana ni mambo ya kawaida katika uhusiano.
Ni mambo ambayo hayakwepeki, kwani hakuna watu wawili wanaofanana, kitabia ama kimwenendo.
Aina za ugomvi huwa zimetofautiana na suluhu yake pia itapatikana kwa jinsi ambavyo kukosana huko kulitokea. Upo ugomvi ambao ni wa kawaida na huisha kirahisi, kwamba mtazungumza wawili na kufikia muafaka bila kumshirikisha mtu ama watu wengine. Lakini pia kuna ugomvi ambao huwa patashika na mara nyingi wahusika huenda wasijue hatua ya kuchukua ili kuweka mambo sawa na hatimaye kusababisha ufa mkubwa baina yao.
Inapotokea kwamba umevurugana na mwenzako, mmekosa kuelewana na kuingia katika ugomvi, mmetoleana maneno yasiyofaa na wakati mwingine kudhalilishana, ni muhimu kwanza kutafakari chanzo hasa cha tofauti yenu.
Hatua hii ni ya muhimu sana, kwani iwapo nyote wawili mtashindwa kutambua kiini cha mgogoro wenu, itakuwa pia vigumu kuweza kuutatua. Mnaposhindwa kugundua chanzo cha tatizo, ndipo mnapokuwa chanzo cha tatizo.
Mara nyingi ugomvi huanza kwa vitu ambavyo huenda vikaonekana ni vidogo, ambavyo hatimaye huwa vikubwa na kusababisha mvutano zaidi.
Idadi kubwa ya wapendanao hukosana na ugomvi kuwa mkubwa kwa sababu ya vyanzo vidogo ambavyo walishindwa kuvigundua mapema na vikazaa matatizo mengine. Mfano rahisi, chanzo kinaweza kuwa mpenzi wako amekupigia simu lakini ukashindwa kuipokea kwa muda muafaka. Atakapopiga kwa mara nyingine au mkikutana, usitegemee atakufurahia kwa sababu atahisi umemdharau kwa kutopokea simu yake.
Endapo utafanya makosa ya kushindwa kuliona kosa lako mapema na kushindwa kuomba radhi au kutoa maelezo yanayoeleweka kwa nini hukupokea simu, matokeo yake utamjibu vibaya, naye atakujibu vibaya na mwisho mtaishia kupigana au kuachana kabisa mkiwa mmeshatoka kabisa kwenye kosa la msingi.
Bila shaka msomaji wangu umeona jinsi chanzo kidogo kinavyoweza kusababisha tatizo kuwa kubwa. Ndoa nyingi au uhusiano unaofika mwisho huwa umesababishwa na mambo madogo ambayo yalishindwa kutafutiwa suluhu mapema.
Katika kila ugomvi unaotokea, jambo la kwanza jipe muda wa kutafakari chanzo kilichosababisha mkagombana. Wakati mwingine wewe ndiye unaweza kuwa chanzo cha tatizo lakini kama ukiyajua makosa yako mapema na kukiri kisha kuomba radhi kwa mwenzio, utakuwa kwenye nafasi nzuri ya kurudisha mapenzi kwa haraka.
Pili, mpe muda mwenzako ili hasira zake ziishe. Kila binadamu ameumbwa akiwa na jinsi yake ya kushughulikia hasira zake na ni wachache wanaweza kuzidhibiti hasira. Ni rahisi mtu kutukana, kupiga au kuharibu vitu akiwa na hasira.
Inapotokea mnakosana, kila mmoja atakuwa na hasira zake na ili kuweza kuepusha mlipuko wa ugomvi ni vyema mkajipatia muda kwanza ili hasira zipungue.
Halikadhalika, mpe nafasi mwenzako atoe yaliyo moyoni mwake. Ni vigumu kumuelewa mtu kabla hujampa nafasi ya kuzungumza na kumaliza kile alichokusudia kukisema. Endapo tatizo limetokea na upo kwenye hatua za kusaka suluhu, mpe mwenzako nafasi ya kueleza dukuduku lililopo ndani ya moyo wake.
Usimkatishe wala kumbishia, muache aongee kilichomuudhi mpaka dukuduku lake liishe kisha na wewe jieleze kwa utulivu. Ni jambo la busara zaidi kuomba msamaha, hata kama unaona mwenzako ndiye aliyekosea. Hakuna silaha nzuri inayoweza kukusaidia kuushinda ugomvi wowote na kutulizz
Hata kama unaona dhahiri kwamba kosa sio lako, omba msamaha kwanza kisha baada ya hapo mueleweshe mwenzako hali halisi ya mambo. Kumbuka kwamba siku zote hasira ni hasara.
English
UNDERSTANDING, arguing, misunderstanding, and even arguing are commonplace in a relationship.
They are inevitable, since no two people are alike, behavioral or behavioral.
The types of quarrels are different and the solution will also be found in the way in which the conflict occurred. There is a conflict that is common and ends easily, that you will talk to each other and reach an agreement without involving the other person or persons. But there are also tensions that can arise and often the perpetrators may not know what to do to put things right and eventually cause a big rift between them.
In the event that you and your spouse have a serious disagreement, misunderstanding, or misunderstanding, you may need to reconsider your position.
This step is very important, because if both of you fail to recognize the essence of your conflict, it will also be difficult to resolve it. When you fail to discover the source of the problem, then you become the source of the problem.
Conflicts often start with things that may seem trivial, which eventually become bigger and more tense.
A large number of lovers fall in love with each other because of small sources that they failed to discover early and created other problems. A simple example, the source may be that your partner called you but you failed to receive it in a timely manner. When he calls again or you meet, do not expect him to enjoy you because he will feel that you have disrespected him by not receiving his call.
If you make the mistake of failing to recognize your mistake in advance and fail to apologize or explain why you did not receive a call, the result will be a negative response, and he will respond negatively and eventually you will end up fighting or giving up completely.
Of course my reader has seen how a small source can cause a problem to become bigger. Many marriages or relationships that end up are marred by minor issues that have not been resolved in the first place.
In each case, take the time to think about the source of the conflict. Sometimes you are the one who can be the source of the problem but if you know your mistakes early and confess and then apologize to your partner, you will be in a better position to reciprocate the love quickly.
Second, give your spouse time to cool down. Every human being is created with his own way of dealing with his anger and few can control his anger. It is easy for a person to insult, hit, or destroy things in anger.
When you are in the wrong, everyone will be angry with you and in order to avoid an outburst of quarrels it is best to take the time to calm down.
Likewise, give your spouse the opportunity to express himself or herself. It is difficult to understand someone before you have given him or her the opportunity to speak and finish what he or she intended to say. If a problem arises and you are in the process of finding a solution, give your partner a chance to express his or her frustration.
Do not interrupt, and try your best not to overreact -even if you tell him something that upsets you and then you can talk to him calmly. It is the course of wisdom to apologize, even if you feel that your partner is in the wrong. No weapon formed against you will have lasting success
Even if you clearly see that the fault is not yours, apologize first and then let your spouse know the real situation. Remember that anger is always a loss.
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